


Unknown

by Vinushuka



Series: Unknown.Despair.Found [1]
Category: Apocalyptica, Dir en grey
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-20 03:57:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 14,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1495723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinushuka/pseuds/Vinushuka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is  a story of two bands Dir En Grey and Apocalyptica and a strange woman calling herself Vinushka, who wants to get involved in their lives. She uses all means both natural and supernatural to achieve her goal. She means well but the consequences of her involvement are unpredictable bringing great joy but also despair to the band members.</p>
<p>In Unknown Eicca becomes involved with Tochi on Dir En Grey’s US tour at Seattle. Vinushka appears for the first time taking the form of Kyos ex girlfriend. She proposes a sponsor agreement involving the two bands. Kyo becomes aware of his feeling for Tochi and asks him to be his lover. After their previously awkward relationship they rush into a fiery love affair. Die and Shinya have their own little thing cooking in Seattle, but is it leading anywhere?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First encounters

# Vinushka

## First encounters (1)

       I fell in love with Dir En Grey the minute I saw them on stage. Kyo’s performance mesmerized me. The small man with a tattooed body, delicate hands, sensual mouth and unbelievable voice stole my heart and never gave it back. Tochi was the most beautiful human being I’d ever seen, and an extremely skilled bassist. Die and Kaoru were direct opposites as persons but still managed to create a very original guitar sound by playing together. And then there was this tiny creature called Shinya behind his huge drum set creating almost unbelievable drum fire with complex patterns. But it wasn’t just the guys on stage, it was the music they were making and the message they were conveying in their lyrics that fascinated me. The whole package made we surrender to them totally and unconditionally. I wanted to see them, know them, talk to them, touch them…

      Day by day I hated more this constant longing gnawing inside me. I had to do something – anything to relieve the pain. But I knew I was too old to be considered as a fan girl that they might hang out with. I had to be something else to earn their attention and respect. Maybe I could use the talent I had to resolve my problem. I knew I could exit my body and travel as a spirit to places I wanted, but so far I really hadn’t used my talent very much. I’d never had a good enough reason to bother. But now I wanted to give it a try. Maybe I could visit them as a spirit and disguise myself as a young woman. Then I would have better chances to get involved in their lives in some way. That would surely be better than nothing at all.

      One day in November I woke up early in the morning and couldn’t sleep again. This _must_ be the right time, I was sure of it.  I started to concentrate on freeing my spirit from my body to look for them. I knew they were on their US tour in Seattle area and probably trying to fall asleep in some wretched hotel bed. I hadn’t done this for a long time so I wasn’t sure how things would work this time, but I knew I could do it. First came the feeling of sinking through my bed, then I was floating light-headed in some kind of grey blur. This must be it, I was free of my body. But I couldn’t remember how to navigate where I wanted. All I could think about in my panic was to imagine Tochi and Kyo sleeping and wanting to touch them. Nothing happened and I was starting to suffocate in the grey stuff surrounding me. Suddenly I dived into something and the greyness disappeared. I was in somebody’s body again.

      I found Tochi first. He was lying on his side drifting to sleep in his hotel room bed. His dark hair was covering his cheek exposing his lovely neck. The thought of being a vampire crossed my mind. He looked so tasty. I couldn’t resists the temptation to caress his lips with my finger. He frowned a little and smiled, turning to sleep almost on his stomach.  He had a sleeveless T-shirt and pyjama shorts on him. I slid my hand on his bare arm starting from the shoulder down to his lovely long fingers.  He was in excellent physical condition, tall and muscular. I would have liked to feel what he had in his shorts, but gave up the idea and just caressed his back and behind. His beauty made me giddy.

      Next I found myself peeking at Kyo, who looked just about exhausted in his sleep. He frowned and muttered something in Japanese. A streak of black facial mask remained on his cheek after tonight’s show.  He had probably again given his everything, his throat felt sore and he was worried about his voice. He looked so small and vulnerable. His body was wiry, muscles clearly visible in his thin arms full of tattoos. I touched the tiger tattoo on his hip and slid my finger across the side of his neck stating Damned. Suddenly he gave a satisfied murmur and clearly relaxed his body. I started at his movement and withdrew my hand quickly - I didn’t want wake him up. Instead I just watched him sleep feeling his strong presence even without touching him.

      I was confused when I woke up to reality. Had I really been there?  I had no evidence what so ever to prove my presence in US. I decided to trust my memories however impossible they were.  Maybe there was a natural explanation to what I has experienced. Besides, I didn’t have to tell anyone about my weird out of body adventures.

      Although I had been awake part of the night I felt exceptionally vibrant that morning. The weather was rainy and cold as usual and it was still dark when I drove to work, but that didn’t bother me.The weather at Seattle area was probably just as dreary as this. I felt sympathy for them. I normally listened to classical music in my car to get my brain organized but now I played the re-mastered version of _Uroboros_ as loud as my ears could tolerate. Jeez, I felt all wet, strung up and ready to explode before I had even reached half way. This is not happening, I thought wriggling on my seat. I’m a grown up woman. I shouldn’t react like this. I’m like a fucking teenager with hormones running wild in my body. With a serious effort I managed to calm myself before entering the main gate and parking place. I must be careful with this music, I thought and smiled by myself.

      My concentration lasted while I was having meetings with my staff. I really loved my work and wanted to support my team in their projects. In the afternoon I had reserved some time to study technology trends for our strategy work but that turned out to be difficult. My mind drifted to Seattle and from there to Tochi. I had his portrait in front of me at my desk and a poster of him playing bass guitar with black lace ribbon covering his eyes. I had to hang the poster on a partitioning wall behind my back because it was too large to fit anywhere else. I tried to concentrate on a report about future applications of technology but my eyes refused to co-operate. They felt painfully dry and I just couldn’t focus on the small letters.  It was a relief to look instead in the dark eyes of Tochi.

      On my way home I couldn’t help listening to Uroboros again. Was I getting addicted to this music? Kyo’s screaming on _Stuck Man_ and _Reiketsu Nariseba_ raised goose bumps on my arms and his beautiful singing on _Ware, Yami Tote_ made tears brim over to my cheeks. I would never get tired of this complex, brutal yet sensitive music.  I was eagerly waiting for the night when I would again have a chance to see them… But nothing happened that night or the next. I just couldn’t get free of my body. I was like a bird that had lost its skill to fly.

      After several unsuccessful efforts I was sure I had just dreamt of my spirit travel. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t reach them anymore. Somehow I was relieved: there was nothing wrong with me, my brain was working normally again. Yet I felt a strange tinge of disappointment. I missed the euphoria of seeing them sleeping, touching their warm skins and caressing their bodies.

      Next Sunday I was driving to my summer cottage, listening to _The Unraveling_ , their latest mini album.  When I heard the first notes of _Karasu_ , a warm feeling of happiness flooded through my body.  The hypnotic guitar riff made my mind float and pictures of them flash through my mind. All of a sudden my spirit was with Kyo again. It was early morning in Seattle and he was just waking up lingering in his warm bed. He was startled when I appeared in his room.  However he pulled himself together very quickly and gave me a warm smile. I walked over to his bed and crawled into his lap under the duvet.

      “Hello Vi… stranger. So you came back… Why?” he wondered in his bad English and caressed my cheek with his fingers.  I was taken by a complete surprise. How could he be so cool when a strange woman popped up in his bed just like that? Besides, how did he know I had been here before?

      “Hello Kyo. I missed you and wanted to see you,” I replied honestly and smiled at him using all the power of my grey eyes to convince him that my intentions were good.

      Without hesitation he grabbed my face between his hands and started kissing me passionately. In a second his slender body was on top of mine, his hard erection pressing my belly. How could he be so ready? Had he known I was coming? He stared me in the eye and asked something in Japanese. At first I didn’t understand but when he repeated the question I suddenly comprehended. I wanted to check if I had a fish in my ear, but his hands held mine in an iron grip. So I understood Japanese? My answer took so long that he lost his patience and kissed me again, this time more slowly and gently. After that he started to undress me watching my reactions carefully. Maybe he was afraid that I’d run away screaming. I didn’t. I was hypnotised by his dark, keen eyes burning of desire.

      “I’ve missed you too, so much”, he whispered sounding almost desperate.  I can’t remember what I replied to him because he was penetrating me, deeper and deeper, until he was filling me completely. Our bodies seemed to fit perfectly although I was taller than him. We started a slow, patient climb towards the ecstasy. I couldn’t believe that he was so gentle with me. His body movements generated a constantly increasing pressure inside me like I was climbing a stairway to heaven. I felt he was giving himself to _me_ , when I had been the one wanting to give myself to _him_. Finally I reached the top, overwhelming tension of my body exploding into hot waves around his shaft. He responded with one gigantic thrust and erupted inside me like a volcano.  He collapsed on top of me groaning with content. I thought I heard him whisper a familiar name I knew from their album _Uroboros_ , but I couldn’t be sure.  I closed my eyes and tried to understand what had just happened.

      I really hated to interrupt my spirit travel but I had arrived in my destination and needed to do other duties there. Kyo was asking me again where I came from and didn’t want to let me go. I could not tell him what I really was. So I just smiled, gave a kiss on his cheek and said goodbye.  He had no idea, how hard it was for me to leave him like that.

      A funny thought occurred to me when I walked light-heartedly to my cottage: Could my sprit body become pregnant? I had not taken any precautions before my surprise visit. At the cottage I happened to glance at the mirror: My red cheeks and tousled hair gave my adventures away. I did not have a clue how I looked like in my spirit form. I must find out the next time, I thought.

 

 


	2. In trouble

## In trouble (2)

      The following days were painful. I wanted to see Tochi, but he was avoiding my spirit. I could not see him clearly how hard I tried. A thin, almost opaque membrane was preventing me from touching him. I felt alone and rejected. Finally, on Wednesday night I decided to use a detour: I would visit Die and sneak over to Toshi once I was there.  It was now easier to concentrate on leaving my body. I just closed my eyes and let my spirit body sink through the mist where it wanted to go. The next thing I knew I was standing behind Tochi’s hotel room door feeling anxious. I opened the door and peeked into his small room. The room was dark except for a small bedside lamp. The floor was littered with clothes and empty beer bottles were standing on the table. Two people were lying on his bed their arms and legs entwined.

      My heart thudded and then started beating in double speed. I realized I shouldn’t be there but I just could not help looking at them. I recognized Tochi but who was he sleeping with? My heart almost stopped when I perceived the familiar features of Eicca Toppinen, the tall, blond cellist of Apocalypica. Holy scrap, what is HE doing in Tochi’s bed? Then it occurred to me that they probably knew each other after touring together is US some years back. How on earth had Tochi managed to seduce him? To me Eicca had always been an epitome of a straight guy.

      Eicca’s white, long hair was all in tangles, one arm resting on Tochi’s chest, the other hanging over the side of the bed. They looked so peaceful together- cradled in love. The feelings of shame and jealousy pierced my heart. I rushed out of the room not knowing where I was going. All I wanted was to hide myself somewhere safe, where I couldn’t feel this unbearable pain. I opened the first door I could find and crept in Die’s bed behind his turned back and closed my eyes.

      I was stirred awake by a strange sound, like someone growling.  I turned and found myself staring straight into Kyo’s fierce dark eyes.  Die jumped to sit up looking at me bewildered like I was a ghost. Kyo grabbed my hands and started to drag me out of the room without saying a word.  Only then I realized that I didn’t know anything about his reactions. Was he violent? Would he beat me or something? On stage he was a fierce samurai but how was he in real life? In his room he made me sit on the bed and sat beside me still holding my hands. He was clearly trying to calm himself.  Finally he drew in a deep breath, looked me in the eye and asked “What’s going on, please explain?”

      I knew I was a terrible liar so I tried to stick to the few threads of truth I could share with him. “I wanted to see you, but I must have gone to the wrong room and ….then I found Eicca sleeping with Tochi and panicked…. and  escaped to nearest room, which happened to be Die’s ….and then I woke up seeing you…”

      “Well, that figures out. Apocalyptica guys have been hanging around with us for several days now”, Kyo said looking slightly annoyed. “Eicca obviously has something cooking with Tochi. They seem to get on very well.”

      I could sense some vague undertone in his statement, but I could not put my finger on it. “I could see that”, I said and caressed his hand holding mine.

     “Yesterday evening we had a nice jam-session with Apocalyptica guys and some local musicians. Die has been very excited about playing with these cello wizards. Besides he can practice his English with them”, Kyo explained.

      I felt again a pang of jealousy.  I dropped my eyes so that Kyo could not see my face.

      “Now that you are here …we could continue from where we were when you had to leave.” The look in his eyes told clearly what he was thinking. He laid down on the bed and grabbed me on top of him. He had only his pyjama bottoms on him.  There were no tattoos on his chest, but his arms were like a story book. I run my lips over his collar bones and down to his nipples gently biting them. I kissed his tiger and then continued lower down. I heard his breathing hitch when I kissed the silky head of his dick and started to suck it. I could feel it hardening quickly. He sighed and caressed my hair. I took a tight grip on his dick and slid my hand up and down the stem. He started to push his dick deeper into my throat until he was almost making me vomit. I could feel his body arching and his hands were grabbing the bed coverage. ”Can I come?” he managed to ask. His sperm burst into my mouth and I had to swallow several times to get it down. He tasted salty.

      We were lying on the crumpled sheets facing each other. “Can I ask you something?” Kyo asked his voice careful. He was stroking my cheek with his hand and playing with a strand of my hair.  “You always seem to appear from thin air. You don’t look like other people here. Where are you from?”

      “I’m not local”, I replied trying desperately to find consistent answers to his questions.

      “You remind me of someone I knew. I was frightened when I first saw you”, Kyo continued. He smiled and pressed his lips on my forehead. “Can I call you Vinushka?” he whispered.

      I was wrecking my brain to recall what her story was. I couldn’t remember. “I’d like that”, I answered and looked into his deep dark eyes. “But I should leave now”, I said sitting up.

      “Will I see you again?” Kyo asked grabbing my hand.

      “I will be back”, I assured him. 

 


	3. Sightseeing with Kyo

# Toshiya

## Sightseeing with Kyo (3)

      I had a strange feeling when I woke up that morning.  A vague memory of a woman caressing me kept coming back to my mind. The image was blurry, as if being viewed through rippling water. I couldn’t recollect her face or make out anything else of her, but I clearly remembered her hands on my skin. They felt so good… Her fingers felt like velvet brushing against my skin, warm and electrifying... and somehow arousing. I must be in a desperate need of sex, I concluded as I tore my eyes open to face the day.

      We would not have a concert next Wednesday evening and Die was planning a get-together with local musicians. I had no idea why, though. We’d never done anything like that, not even back in Japan. Die must have been pretty damn drunk to come up with such an idea. Well, anyways, I suppose it’d be nice to drink beer and improvise together. Maybe there would even be some local fans who could satisfy my needs. I normally didn’t have any difficulties with charming the opposite gender or my own gender, for that matter. All I had to do was shoot long, suggestive looks at them and they’d come running for me.

      I wandered to the bathroom, yawning a bit and fluffing my messy hair. I took a long shower, brushed my teeth and blow dried my hair. The weird dreams about that woman had left me more tired than I was before going to bed. Luckily the dark circles under my eyes weren’t as bad as I expected. I checked myself out from the mirror and gave my reflection a confident smile. Wow, getting my teeth fixed had really done wonders.

      After grabbing some breakfast, I returned to my hotel room to prepare for the day. Yesterday Kyo had agreed to go walking around town with me. It was pretty strange, actually. I’d never seen Kyo be the first one to volunteer when being asked if he wanted to accompany someone to sightseeing. Earlier this year in Europe though, he had started to walk around taking pictures. But that he usually did by himself, or with Nora, our interpreter. He rarely did anything with the other band members.

     My expectations were high when I took the elevator down to the lobby. When the doors slid open, I could see Kyo’s tiny figure slouching in the corner. He seemed to be highly uncomfortable in the midst of all these tall Americans. The black hoodie he was wearing covered his shaved head, and a pair of beady brown eyes peered cautiously from underneath. His posture seemed very tense, not exactly nervous but more like he’d snap at everybody that bothered him.

      I made my way across the room with long strides and alerted Kyo of my presence by clearing my throat a bit. “Ready to go?” I asked and received a nod and a quiet sound of affirmation from the man. We left the hotel and started wandering the streets of Seattle, looking around various shops and stores. Both of us snapped some photos; me with my iPhone and Kyo with his film camera. He sneered at me for being such a hipster, and I retorted by calling him a grandpa. We bantered back and forth, feeling the atmosphere lighten remarkably from the usual greyness.

      The two of us spent hours walking and shopping, even stopping to grab a bite at a local diner. The orders failed miserably due to the language barrier and Kyo didn’t even like his portion, but we still had a great time. It’d been a long time since I’d last felt like this. It felt like Kyo was really comfortable with me for the first time on this tour. The anxiety from before had been totally forgotten, and all that remained was a happy and open Kyo.

      While wandering around I observed his face, watching the feelings and emotions as they weaved their way across his eyes, brows and mouth. His face was truly... interesting, beautiful in an odd way, fascinating. Even when he wasn’t trying to, the man was conveying his emotions. The subtle twitch of his eyebrow. The little toothy smile that was tugging at the corners of his mouth, and the glint in his gentle brown eyes as he talked. And those full lips, moving ever so mesmerizingly, and that pink tongue that darted over them occasionally... What the hell was I thinking? Was I suddenly fawning over my band mate? Of course I’d always thought Kyo was sort of cute and _damn_ the body of that man, but this...? I didn’t even know what this was.

      “Uhh... Hello? Tochi?” the smaller man called out. “You okay?”

At that moment I realized I hadn’t been paying attention to what Kyo was actually saying. I’d just been staring at his face like I was retarded. This was just great.

      “What? Oh, yeah. I’m fine. What was it you were saying?” I spluttered, trying to look as casual as possible. Kyo shot me a questioning look, but chose to go on with his story. I tried my best to pay attention and cover the slight bulge in my jeans.

      We returned in good time to our hotel to prepare for the evening. I tried hard to get past my awkward feelings for Kyo. The man was all about business. If he chose to accompany me on a sightseeing tour, he was probably only trying to bond us as band mates. Well…, he had accidentally done more than that to me, but that was _my_ problem, not his.


	4. Surprise visitors

## Surprise visitors (4)

      The night’s concert was amazing. It felt like the whole venue was electrified. There were about a hundred of Dir En Grey -hungry fans screaming their lungs out, desperate for us to come onstage. The opening band had done a really good job at riling up the crowd; a few sweaty and messy faces were already visible. The explosion, though, wasn’t until Shinya trod from the shadows. The rest of us followed him, doing various rock star mannerisms, earning a few animalistic shrieks from local fan girls. _Toshiya, Toshiya,_ some girl screamed, and I’d felt a smile spread on my face. Kyo earned the most recognition as his cowl-covered self took the stage, peering menacingly at the excited crowd.

      I waited for the intro to stop playing and took my usual wide stance, preparing myself to hit the first notes of _Reiketsu Nariseba_. The show went on from there, in a booming mass of light and sound. It was damn hot, but the sweat only made me want to play harder and stronger. We squeezed out the last bits of our energy in the encore, Kyo abandoning his cowl and leather jacket and facing the audience directly as he screamed and growled his heart out. Everything was given and everything was amped up to a hundred percent. All of us were absolutely exhausted as we returned backstage.

      I drained two water bottles as Die cracked open a bottle of Heineken. Shinya left to hit the showers. Kyo flumped down on the couch with his towel, breathing heavily but looking rather satisfied. Kaoru sat beside him, pulling off his sweat-drenched shirt and sighing heavily.

      “Good show, huh?” he said with a smile.

      “Yup!” Die sneered victoriously after taking another sip from his beer.

      “The crowd was crazy tonight”, I concurred. “I think I’ll go back to the hotel to take a shower. Join me for a walk?” I asked Die.

      Die drained quickly the rest of his Heineken and rose up to follow me. Kyo shot me a strange look. I couldn’t really figure it out. His face was relatively expressionless, but I could see something in his eyes... what was it? Was he mad at me for some reason? Was he trying to tell me something? I frowned at the man, challenging him to tell what his problem was. He did nothing, just stared at me with those unreadable eyes. So I set out for the door, walking with long, annoyed strides with Die following me.

      The walk to the hotel took about fifteen minutes. We didn’t do much talking with Die. We both were too absorbed in our own thoughts. I was fretting over Kyo and Die was probably planning how to get laid in a record time after the show.  I think his current record was something like two hours… Fresh evening air did wonders to my overheated, adrenaline flooded body. I felt my resolve grow: I should stop this nonsense with Kyo and concentrate on my fans instead. I just couldn’t take Kyo fucking with my brain.  I felt relieved after my decision and asked Die to join me for a beer at the lobby bar after freshening up.  I really should jerk off in the shower, I thought as I headed to my room.

      We got surprise visitors after the night’s concert.  We were all sitting in our hotel bar sipping beer when Apocalyptica guys came to say hello and congratulate us for a successful show. They were vising Seattle for a recording session and were staying in a nearby hotel. We had been touring together around US about two years ago. Kyo had performed together with them, growling his version of _Bring Them to Light_. It was funny to look at Eicca and Kyo on stage. Kyo’s head hardly reached the shoulder of this tall, blond guy. Eicca looked like a Viking with his long blond hair, pearly grey eyes and fair skin. His band mate Perttu was as good looking but opposite in colours, the black angel. They both had typical rocker outfits; torn jeans, heavy shoes, black T-shirts and leather jackets. A hot wave of excitement rushed through my body when Eicca greeted me with a handshake. Jeez, I had never touched a guy this attractive. His grey eyes seemed to be able to read my mind.

     Eicca was eying my leopard skirt with a crooked smile. “You have an interesting outfit. I’d like to try that on.” His smile left me completely tongue tied. I couldn’t remember a single word of my sparse English vocabulary. So I stammered my thanks in Japanese.  Luckily he had already turned to talk to Die, sparing me from further embarrassment. The two of them were having a lively discussion about something I couldn’t understand. I tried desperately to find a way to participate. Suddenly I had an idea. I dug up my cell phone from my pocket and shoved it into Shinya’s hand.

      “Photo?” I spluttered and hurried to stand on their side together with Die. The guys put their hands on our shoulders and flashed their teeth into a brilliant smiles. I was all too aware of Eicca’s hand on my shoulder. Hmm…I needed some distraction to get over my obsession with Kyo. Maybe this was my chance.

      I asked Die to translate what I wanted to say. “I will try to sketch something for you to wear on stage”, I offered.

      “Please do. Die says your designs are very original”, Eicca replied and smiled at me. After exchanging a few words with Die he waved his hand at me and left with Perttu looking very satisfied.

     “What were you talking about?” I asked Die.

      “We were planning our jam session on Wednesday. I asked Apocalyptica guys to join us. There’s a cabinet with a grand piano downstairs that we could reserve for our get-together. I promised to take care of practical arrangements with Kaoru. They will bring their instruments with them.”

      At night my brain refused to switch off.  My body was all strung up although I had done my best to relieve my tensions in the shower. Eicca’s blond hair and grey eyes kept haunting me. Suddenly the grey eyes were replaced by a pair of dark brown eyes glaring at me. Pictures of Kyo’s lips moving so subtly... pictures of Kyo’s lips wrapped around my - HELL NO! I woke up my heart pounding like a hammer. I spent the rest of the night floating between sleep and awake, tossing and turning on my bed my newly found resolve to forget Kyo completely gone.

      I had great difficulties in concentrating on anything the next day. I kept staring at our photo taken yesterday. What did I want from this guy? He was so different from us, from me, from Kyo… My sketches were lousy. Normally I had a good idea what kind of clothes would suit a person. Nothing seemed to fit Eicca’s Viking looks. He’s a jeans guy, I finally decided and dumped my designs in a waste paper basket.  I was extremely distracted also in the Tuesday night’s concert. I could not help wondering if he was somewhere in the audience. I made stupid mistakes in playing and Die and Kaoru gave me irritated looks for that. Kyo seemed to be very absent minded.


	5. Jam session

## Jam session (5)

      Most of Wednesday morning was spent in jam session arrangements. I used some time in the afternoon to shop some T-shirts. By accident I found a nice, black pleated skirt with high waist and bronze buttons in front. It looked exactly right on me and made me feel confident. I needed that if I was going to meet Eicca again. The guy was making me nervous for reasons I could not understand. Die and Kaoru had ordered some salty snacks, sushi and Japanese beer for our session but I did not feel like eating anything. My stomach was full of butterflies.

      Eicca and Perttu appeared in our hotel a bit late. They were carrying their cello cases in their hands and Eicca had larger instrument case in his back. It looked like a contra bass. He handed the bigger case to me. “This is for you”, he snickered. Holy shit. I hadn’t played contra bass for ages. We had our acoustic guitars and some bongo drums with us. We dragged all our instruments into the cabinet, where some of our local quests were already enjoying the beer and snacks. Eicca made his way to the grand piano testing its tuning. “Sounds good”, he murmured and started playing a piece by Erik Satie.

      I liked Eicca’s playing so I remained close to him to listen. “You have a new skirt?  He asked pointing his hand to my latest acquisition. “You look gorgeous in it!” he whispered. I was not completely sure what he meant, but the tone of his voice and look in his eyes told enough.

      Die was organising the team to play some of our pieces that we had earlier played unplugged. It was great fun to have other musicians improvising while we were playing and singing the tune. On their turn Apocalyptica guys played some of their classical pieces. How did they manage to write something so heartbreakingly beautiful? I couldn’t take my eyes off of their intensive playing; their long hairs covering their faces, eyes closed, muscles vibrating in their arms. All our guests honoured their music with awed silence and burst into applause when they finished their playing. Wow, these guys really knew what they were doing.

       After their performance everybody joined in singing and playing of old pop and jazz tunes. Our stock of beer was rapidly diminishing and the party growing louder. In the middle of this commotion I noticed that Kyo had again vanished somewhere. Was he enjoying the company of his fans in some dark corner? I felt a sting of jealousy and then a rush of anger; he kept ruining my evenings and didn’t give a damn.

      I could see Eicca glancing at me now and then. He was interested in me, that much I could tell. Why wouldn’t I test my charm on him? Kyo wouldn’t know or care.  When I caught his eye again, I flashed him my most tempting smile, the one that normally made everybody’s knees weak. It seemed to work on him too. He raised his eyebrow and gave me a quick smile, accepting my invitation. When I was sure no one would notice our absence, I gestured to him to follow me. He stood up taking two bottles of beer with him and followed me to my room.


	6. One-night stand

## One-night stand (6)

      I made Eicca wait in front of the hall mirror and went to my wardrobe to select some skirts for him to try on. He was wearing a light grey T-shirt and black jeans. I offered him my leopard skirt and a long black leather skirt almost reaching the floor. He tried the black skirt in front of him eyeing himself in the mirror. “Sorry, I’m not a Kendo warrior, like you. Maybe these are not for me”, he sighed and turned to look at me. His eyes were intense, like a thunderstorm waiting to break out. He raised his hand to touch the side of my neck. I held my breath while he was considering his options. Finally he took my face between his hands and kissed my lips very gently. He wasn’t sure how I would take his kiss.

      Eicca’s lips burned mine and raised a fire that I couldn’t control. I devoured his lips and face and the skin on his neck. His hands almost crushed my face and he bit the side of my neck making me whine. I stripped off his T-shirt and he did the same for me. His hands found my nipples and slip down to my waist diving deep inside my skirt. He unbuttoned it and let it drop on the floor. I unzipped the fly of his jeans with shaky hands and grabbed his hard dick into my hands. I was intoxicated by the smell of his skin and his long silky hair caressing me every time he moved his head.

      Eicca grabbed my hand and led us to my bed. He made me lie down and started kissing my body. His hands were everywhere caressing my skin. His hair tickled my chest and prevented me seeing his face as he approached my manhood. Finally his lips closed around my shaft sucking and licking me to the edge of madness. I made him lie down beside me so that I could reach his dick.  I tried hard to ignore the fact that he was driving me insane with _his_ mouth. I’m not sure how long this ecstasy lasted, but finally I exploded into his throat. I made him come with my last strength. I was completely exhausted when he finally turned facing me and kissed me on the forehead.  The last thing I remember was the somehow sad smile on his face.

      I dreamt again of the strange woman. She was trying to touch me, but I did not want that now that I was with Eicca. She turned away and did not disturb my sleep anymore. I woke up at dawn feeling very hot and sweaty. Eicca was lying on top of me, his arm on my chest and legs crossed with mine. I withdrew carefully my body from under him and sneaked over to the bathroom to take a shower and wash my teeth. I put on my favourite classical music at low volume and went back to bed to enjoy the angel there. When I woke up again I found him staring at me with a weary look in his eyes.

      “We are flying today back to Finland”, he said caressing my cheek. “I am very sorry, but I will have to leave soon. I will phone or text you as soon as I’m back home”, he promised using his cell phone to demonstrate what he meant. He collected his clothes from the floor, dressed quickly hardly glancing at me and left closing the door carefully behind him. I sat on the bed listening to the emptiness of my room and feeling dejected.  He was gone and I knew he wasn’t going to phone. Our relationship wouldn’t work. We couldn’t even understand each other.

      I knew what I really wanted and it wasn’t Eicca. I had hoped I could become closer with Kyo during this tour, but it looked like the opposite was happening. He seemed to be floating in his own little bubble and wasn’t paying any attention to me or the rest of the band. Yesterday evening he had again vanished somewhere without a word, making me feel completely pissed off. 

      After a while I heard a soft knock on my door and Die peeked into my room.

      “I saw Eicca in the corridor. Did you spend the night with him? What’s happening?”

      “Nothing’s happening. He left…” I muttered and stared at my hands. Maybe it was my failure in Tuesday’s concert or my disappointment with Kyo and Eicca that caused my feelings to brim over. I could feel tears escaping down to my cheeks no matter how hard I tried to stop them. I was so ashamed of myself that I wanted to scream out loud.


	7. Who would comfort Tochi?

# Kyo

## Who would comfort Tochi? (7)

      I woke up quite late the morning after our jam session.  She had returned this morning. Why on earth did I have to insist calling her Vinushka? I didn’t want to remember all the pain and anger that came with that name. I thought I had written them out of my system in all my pissed off poems. But she reminded me so much of her, the same bluish-grey eyes and freckles… But this woman wasn’t sad, she was full of life as I would have wished my Vinushka had been. I couldn’t prevent her from taking her life. I was so mad at myself for that.  When I saw this woman the first time, I thought Vinushka had come back to haunt me. It was a relief to notice that she was different, stronger, happier… Perhaps it was a mistake to make love to her, but I just couldn’t stop myself. Maybe it was time to forgive myself and carry on with my life.

      Die joined me at breakfast looking worried.

      “I found Tochi this morning all shaken up. He spent the night with Eicca”, Die told me.

      “How did _that_ happen?” I wondered trying to remember the events of last couple of days. I had been so absorbed with Vinushka that everything else had escaped my attention.

      “Do you think I could talk to him and make him feel better?” I asked Die trying to make amends the neglect of my fellow band members. I’d hate to perform with a moping bassist.

      Tochi was lying on his bed with his arm covering his eyes when I entered his room. “Die told me that you are not feeling well. Can I do something to help?” I asked stroking his arm carefully. Tochi didn’t say anything, just turned his back on me.

      “Please talk to me”, I pleaded. This was difficult for me. I had always felt a little awkward with Tochi. He was a _very_ attractive guy and I was afraid of my feelings. “What ever happened with Eicca, you’ll get over it.”

      “Sure”, he muttered sounding angry.

      I was completely at loss with this situation.  I sat there for a while staring at his back. Then I lied down on the bed folding my arm around him. After a while he relaxed a bit. “You know that we all care for you very much”, I said trying to sound neutral. I was doing my best to neglect the tension in my groin.

      “But _you_ don’t care”, Tochi mumbled and turned to face me his eyes still swollen.

      “Of course I care”, I assured him and caressed his cheek with the back of my hand. “I’ve just tried to keep my feelings separate from my work, strictly business, you know. But it’s very difficult right now.”

       Tochi’s fingers folded with mine and I could see a little smile flash on his lips. Even to my own surprise I took his face into my hands and kissed him. Jeez, it felt so good, so right… Maybe I had missed something here. Last Monday we had spent almost half a day together, wondering around Seattle. I hadn’t felt that comfortable for years. Ok, Tochi had now and then stared at me with a strange look in his eyes and that had made me nervous...Now he was smiling at me, wanting me to care about him.  He didn’t mind me kissing him, actually he seemed to be pleased with that. Was this what I thought it was?


	8. The plan

## The plan (8)

      I had always been very secretive about my sex life. Sure, I had great appetite for sex, but I didn’t want my band members, or anyone for that matter, to know about my partners. I wasn’t so particular about their gender either, male or female, as long they were willing and able. I had my doubts about Tochi’s preferences, but he seemed to enjoy his female and male fans equally much. Anyway I had avoided intentionally getting involved with my band mates. Maybe it was time to change that.

      I wanted to tell Tochi about my feelings. That sounded simple enough but I was horrified. I wasn’t especially good at talking about anything, let alone my feelings. I always ended up saying the wrong things in a wrong way. I was good at putting the words on paper. Poems just flooded freely from my brain to my pen, but talking was a real pain…  I would have to do that before tonight’s show. Tochi needed his confidence back. We could not afford another failure like on Tuesday. We were having a planning meeting in the afternoon - maybe I could talk with him after that.

      The meeting was hectic as always. Die was having new ideas how to play favourites like _Vinushka_ and _Toguro_ and everybody had their own opinion how we should proceed. I just couldn’t care. I wanted the whole thing over as fast as possible. Tochi wasn’t participating either. He was sitting in the corner fiddling with his cell phone, waiting… Finally Kaoru got up to leave and Die and Shinya followed. Tochi did not move.

      “I’ll have a few words with Tochi, if you don’t mind”, I said to the other guys leaving the room. Die looked at me with inquisitive eyes.

      “Don’t take too long, we have to leave soon for the venue”, he remarked.

      “Please come over here”, I prompted Tochi pointing at the chair opposite me.  He eyes were still looking somewhat swollen and I wondered had he been crying after I left. He was staring down at his hands trying to avoid looking at me.

      “Err…I think we should talk about our future”, I started.

      “What! Are you sacking me or something? ” he shouted and sounded very alarmed.

      “The hell, no! It’s just that you made me realize something this morning…”, I explained patiently.

       “C’mon, spare me from that crap about caring! Fine, you want strictly business, I’ll give you strictly business! I’ll fuck anybody I like and I don’t need your permission to do that.” He was fuming with rage now.

      “Please listen… I meant what I said. I realized I want you…”  

Tochi was now staring at me his eyes full of pain. “No, you don’t mean that. You’ve never cared.”

      “Yes I have, but I just couldn’t show it“, I tried to defend myself.

      “So now you want us to do _what_? “  He asked sounding still angry.

      “I just want us to be together… as lovers”, I whispered.

      I crossed to the other side of the table and stopped standing in front of him afraid to touch him. I could see mixed feelings on his face. His consideration seemed to last for ages. And then, suddenly he was holding me in his arms.

      “You better mean what you just said. I’ll kill you if you don’t!” he promised. I could hear a smile in his voice. We were both shaken, but I could see the light returning into his eyes. There was no time to speak more now so we both rushed to our rooms to pick up all necessary gear for the night and headed for our bus. In the bus we got some lively comments when I went to sit with Tochi and kissed him passionately. I was so horny I could have fucked the whole team there and then.

      The show was again gorgeous. I was so high I almost screamed my lungs out. Tochi was playing like a dream now. Die and Kaoru were looking puzzled but finally joined the ecstatic performance with us and Shinya. The audience went wild and would not let us finish even after several encores. Adrenaline was running high in my body.  I could not wait to get back to our hotel and fuck Tochi out of his senses. We almost managed to do that in our bus, but luckily the trip was short enough to avoid public embarrassment.


	9. Lovers

## Lovers (9)

       From the bus we headed directly into my room. We both wanted to shower and change clothes before our first night together. My bathroom was very small, so we decided to take turns.  I let Tochi shower first and borrowed him my spare bathrobe. I prepared the bed and dug up a lubricant tube and tissues from my bag of bathroom necessities. I was starting to get nervous.  I had made love with quite a few guys but Tochi was special. Why is it taking so long? Has he lost his nerve and escaped through the bathroom window?

     Finally the door opened and Tochi stepped out my towel on his waste, steam rushing out to the bedroom behind him. His hair was wet and cheeks rosy after a long, hot shower.

     “I thought you had run away”, I teased him and gave him a kiss as I passed by him on my way to the bathroom. “I won’t take long”, I promised.  I showered quickly and brushed my teeth feeling more and more nervous.  Finally I took a deep breath and stepped out to face my lover. 

      Tochi was lying on my bed reading a rock magazine he had found on my bedside table.

      “Anything interesting?” I asked as I sat on my side of the bed.

      “Nope”, Tochi smiled putting the magazine away and pulled me to his side of the bed.

      “I can’t believe that you’re here with me”, he sighed kissing me. “Sorry that I was such a jerk on Wednesday“, he pleaded and slid his hand on my tattooed arm.

      I was overwhelmed by his beauty. His skin was flawless, his body slender but muscular. I felt my nervousness subside, just to be replaced by a burning desire.  “Would you like to play with me?” I asked and started kissing his body. I felt his dick in my hand grow hotter and harder. His hand folded around my balls and then slid up to the top of my shaft squeezing it gently.  

      I wanted so much to fuck him. But Tochi was faster. He pushed me on my back, inserted a pillow under my bottom and raised my legs up.  I was completely surprised by his determination. He knew exactly what he was doing. His hands were sliding along my chest, rubbing my nipples and then slowly returning down to my manhood. He grabbed it with one hand and curved his other hand around my balls. I had always thought his mouth was gorgeous, but I had never felt it around my dick. Now he started to suck me sliding his hand slowly along the stem. All I could do was to gaze at his perfection, his lovely lips giving me the ultimate pleasure. Finally, when I was ready to explode, he reached for a lubricant tube on the table, squirted a fair portion on his hand and in my back gate and pushed his fingers in to widen the entry. Jesus, he was so hot. After a while he lubricated his shaft and started to push his way into me slowly and carefully watching my face. It hurt just a little, but I didn’t mind. He held on to my legs and started moving. After that I lost it completely. I just could not believe that he was doing this to _me_. The mere thought caused me to spasm violently and shoot my load all over my chest. Tochi gasped once and released his load inside me. He withdrew his dick, let go of my legs and collapsed on my side. His heart was beating frantically. 

      I had not expected this. I was supposed to be the dominant guy, but there I was, letting Tochi have his way with me. Actually I loved that.  “You play so well”, Tochi snickered and closed his eyes. I folded my arms around him. We both were too exhausted to do anything else.


	10. A show to remember

# Die

## A show to remember (10)

      I was surprised to see the change in Tochi when he and Kyo hurried to our bus. He was smiling again his dazzling smile, his eyes flickering now and then to Kyo.  Kyo went to sit beside him in the front of the bus.I almost dropped my eyes when they started kissing in front of everyone. This was something … NEW. I’d never seen any romantic or even friendly gestures from Kyo. He was sulking most of the time, giving one word answers to questions and looking angry like an old pug protecting his bone.  Lately he had been very secretive about his comings and goings. I wondered if he was having an affair with some local guy or a girl. Just couldn’t understand how he’d managed that. With his looks and attitude women were more likely to run away from him screaming of horror.

      The concert arena wasn’t very far away from our hotel. When we arrived there we could see a long line of fans waiting for the gates to open. Very promising! Some of them noticed our bus and rushed to meet us. I could hear screams like “Tochi, love your smile!” and “You’re gorgeous, Kyo!” Somebody’s T-shirt had my read-headed picture smiling in front. It was a bit scary to make our way to the hall entrance through this churning crowd. We made it in one piece and could finally start our preparations for the concert. Kyo painted a wild looking mask on his face and dressed in a long, hooded cloak.

      From the beginning I could sense that this concert was going to be different.  We started with _Vinushka_ , one of our favourite pieces.  Kyo’s performance was exquisite. His voice was like silk when he sang the first lines, reaching to powerful creaming in the end. My new guitar riffs fitted very well into the heightened intensity of the piece. Kaoru complimented my playing with his new ideas. He smiled at me and rolled his eyes towards Tochi. He was floating somewhere in outer space his eyes closed, playing like an angel. His slender fingers flew on the long fingerboard of his bass.  When he had his eyes open, he was staring at Kyo with an intensity that could have burned holes in his cloak. Kyo was concentrating on his performance, but now and then I could see his eyes flickering to Tochi.

      Most of our show concentrated on our newest album _Dum Spiro Spero_. We had made new arrangements of some of the older pieces like _Macabre, Bottom of Death Valley and Karasu_. Our audience really loved these. They were screaming, waving their hands and singing along with our Japanese lyrics. That was something in Seattle! We tried to end our show with _The Final_ , but they just wouldn’t have it. We had to return on stage over and over again. I could see that Kyo was getting tired. His mask was smeared all over his face and I could see his legs trembling. Finally we decided to play _Ware, Yami Tote_. This beautiful ballad would give Kyo time to breathe and calm down our mostly female audience. That worked. That also worked on Tochi, who was playing his bass with tears running down his cheeks. Great show!

      The journey to our hotel was another story. Kyo and Tochi were trying to eat each other alive. Their hands were all over their bodies. “Bet they won’t last to the hotel”, Shinya whispered to me. He was sitting beside me playing with his cell his eyes fixed our new lovebirds.

      “How much?” I asked Shinya.

      “A fiver”, he proposed and we shook hands in agreement. 

      I won his five bucks, but promised to buy him a beer in return.  At our hotel Tochi and Kyo vanished quickly to Kyo’s room and left us to plan the evening. We decided to have a few beers in a bar around the corner to celebrate our success.


	11. Poems in a bar

## Poems in a bar (11)

      After a relaxing shower I changed to my jeans, T-shirt and put on my hoodie. The bar was close by but the evening was quite chilly and I was freezing from cold in a few minutes. Kaoru and Shinya had warmer jackets and managed to keep their teeth from rattling.  When we finally got into the warmth of the bar, my nose was red and my fingers like icicles. We found a free table for four and I went order the beers for all of us. With my English we probably would get beer, not coffee or tea.  The locals didn’t show any interest in us. It was easy to sit incognito here unlike in Osaka.

      I was still shivering when we sat in the table sipping our drinks. Shinya offered me his warm coat. He had a white woollen sweater on him that looked warm enough. His body was very slender but firm. I could see that he had been working out.  He was the first to check the fitness facilities of our hotels. It was nice to sit together and talk about our tour and future plans. No one mentioned Kyo or Tochi. The situation was still too confusing for us. As always we ended up teasing Shinya. He was so quiet and cute and didn’t take our mobbing seriously. We all knew that he could beat us single handed if he wanted.

      Kaoru was eying a young woman in the table next to us. The woman had brown hair and very pale skin with freckles. She smiled at Kaoru and rose to approach our table. I had a strange feeling I had seen her somewhere, but couldn’t remember where. She stopped behind the empty chair in our table and greeted us in fluent Japanese.

      “My name is Vinushka”, she presented herself and bowed politely. “Can I sit with you for a while?” she asked Kaoru.  

      “Sure, please do”, Kaoru replied and rose to offer her the chair.

      The woman sat down but didn’t say anything. She was dressed in ordinary blue jeans, white blouse, red converse and black leather jacket.

      “You have an interesting name…”, I said to start the conversation. 

      “I know you have a song with that name”, she answered and smiled at me. Her eyes were pearly blue grey, I felt I could drown in them.

      “Your Japanese is very good. Do you have relatives or something in Japan?” I asked just to continue.

      “No, I sometimes wonder myself why it’s so easy to speak and understand Japanese.  I cannot read or write in kana or kanji, so I must use roman characters to write my poems”, she answered and started digging something out of her purse.

      “So you’re writing poems in Japanese?” I wondered and she smiled shyly.

      “Well, I also have some melodies in my mind that might suit the poems”, she admitted and turned her wonderful grey eyes to Kaoru. He seemed to flinch and started staring at his hands.

      “I know you guys work together to write your songs. I was wondering if you would like to use my ideas and text to do something new.”

      She had now produced a pile of papers from her bag. They all seemed to be full of text; by closer look it was Japanese written in Roman letters.  I had difficulties in believing that her offer was sincere. Surely there was something she wanted in return. Besides she was now on Kyo’s turf.  He would probably get completely pissed off if we used someone else’s poems. We didn’t need any more conflicts in our team.

     Kaoru had now recovered from his shock and was probably thinking hard how to make something out of this offer. He was the business man in our team and saw the opportunities when they came.

     “There’s a grand piano in our hotel cabinet.  Why don’t you come with us and play some of your melodies there?  It doesn’t take long. Our hotel is just around the corner.”

     “Why not”, she answered and pushed the papers to me. “Would you like to take a look?”

I started to read hear poems, although they looked weird in Roman letters. Jeez, these are good! I thought and pushed the papers reluctantly back to her. “They’re alright”, I said trying not to sound overly enthusiastic.

      We hurried back to our hotel and reserved the cabinet for an hour to listen to her ideas.  She sat confidently at the grand piano and started playing and singing in Japanese. Her poems had been excellent but her music sounded too happy and conventional to my liking.

      “Err, not exactly our kind of gloomy music. You would have to add some despair and tears to get it right“, I advised her.

       “Well, I could try that for tomorrow, if you’d like me to?” she proposed and turned to look at me. I was completely helpless under her gaze.

      “Ok, we’ll be here still tomorrow”, Kaoru said. “Can you come here after lunch? We’ll ask Kyo and Tochi to join us. Kyo would certainly like to read your poems.“

      I could see a worried look flash in her eyes, but very soon she composed herself and agreed to our proposal. “See you tomorrow”, she said and waved her hand as goodbye.

      In my bed I finally remembered the incident on Wednesday night.  I woke up with a strange woman in my bed and Kyo dragged her away. I couldn’t see her face properly in the darkness but there was something familiar in this woman. I’d have to ask Kyo about her tomorrow.


	12. At breakfast

# Kaoru

## At breakfast (12)

      Die and Shinya joined me next morning for breakfast. Everybody was still high after yesterday’s success and we congratulated ourselves for that with high fives. Kyo and Tochi were nowhere to be seen for obvious reasons. Actually I was a bit surprised when they turned out at our table half an hour later. They both had bright eyes and rosy cheeks; they had been doing something more than just brushing their teeth.

      “How was your night?” Die asked with innocent eyes and smirked at Tochi.

      “Well….decent”, he answered almost blushing and turned his eyes to admire Kyo.

      “Decent?” Kyo mocked him with a dirty look on his face.

      “What did _you_ do after the show?” Tochi asked trying to distract us.

      “We went to have couple of beers in a bar close by and bumped into this woman who was writing poems”, I explained. “She showed us some. I think they were really good.”

      “How do you know? You don’t read English very well”, Kyo asked now suddenly interested. Tochi gave him a troubled look and then started to stare at his plate.

     “They were not written in English, they were in Japanese. She had also composed some pieces for them. We asked her to come and play them here in our hotel after lunch.  You should take a look at her poems.”

     “Did she have a name? Kyo asked.

     “Yeah, she called herself Vinushka. She seemed to know our music very well”, I explained watching Kyo’s reactions.  I could see he was somehow disturbed by the idea of meeting her. He seemed to hesitate a while, glancing sideways at Tochi. “Ok, I’ll check them out”, he finally promised and concentrated again in his breakfast.

     I was surprised when Die suddenly interrupted our reverie. “I just keep wondering, who was that woman you dragged out of my room last Wednesday night.” Tochi’s eyes flashed immediately to Kyo full of questions.

      “No idea. I saw her sneak into your room and when she didn’t come back right away, I decided to check the situation. She might have been a thief or something. I just escorted her out of the hotel and returned to my room.” Kyo’s explanation sounded reasonable enough. I could see Tochi relax and smile at Kyo like he was some kind of hero.


	13. The proposal

## The proposal (13)

      In the afternoon we all gathered in the downstairs cabinet waiting for our guest to arrive. Kyo was pacing back and forth his hood hiding his head and face. Die had his acoustic guitar with him. She was punctual. Exactly one o’clock we heard a knock on the cabinet door and she entered the room dressed in light grey business suit and carrying a dark brown briefcase. Very business woman - like, I thought and rose to greet her. I was sort of our business representative.

      She smiled and shook hands with me. Her eyes wondered around the room and fixed on Kyo. She stepped in front of him and offered her hand to him “You must be Kyo, the poet.”

      Kyo raised his face looking mesmerized. “Hello Vinushka”, he replied. “I hear you have written some very good poetry”, he smiled. I could not help wondering if they knew each other from before.

      “I don’t know about that. I would like you to take a look at them.” Her tone was very humble, as if Kyo was he tutor.

      From Kyo she turned over to Tochi. “So good to see you finally!” There was a strange undertone in her words that I could not understand. “I just loved your show yesterday. I could hear you had made some changes in _Vinuska_ and _Toguro_.” Tochi looked puzzled, but flashed his dazzling smile at Vinushka offering his hand.

      Die was next in line. He brushed his disobedient red hair from his face, stepped forward and hugged Vinushka as if he’d known her for years. “Good to see you again”, he greeted her and smiled with all his rock star charm. “Will you play us something desperate this time?”

      Shinya looked reserved as always. He obviously didn’t like Die hugging this strange woman. Anyway, he greeted Vinushka with a quick handshake and withdrew then to the background.

      “Actually I didn’t come to play for you. I would like to discuss with you about my business proposal. I can leave my poems with Kyo. You can use them however you like.” Vinuska put her briefcase on the table and retrieved a bunch of papers handing them to Kyo. “Here are the poems. Please read them through. I would really like to hear your opinion about them.”  Then she dug up an envelope from her briefcase and put it on the table in front of her looking at us with keen eyes.

      “I would like to become your sponsor. I am ready to invest in your promotion in Europe. I can see you have a very bright future ahead of you and I would like to part of it“, she concluded and let her gaze circle around our faces waiting for our reactions.

      To my surprise it was Kyo, who responded first. “I would like to know more about you. I know Vinushka isn’t your right name. After that you could walk us through your proposal.”

      Everybody nodded in agreement expecting Vinushka to say something. She straightened her posture, put her hands on the table in front her and started talking.

      “My name is Anna Saurela. I come from Finland as you might have guessed from my pale face”, she smiled and touched her cheek with her hand. “I am working for a Japanese company in Finland. I am a great admirer of your music.”  She stopped and opened the envelope in front of her. “Next I would like to go through my proposal with you.” She spread her papers on the table and started explaining. Her overview took about fifteen minutes. Everybody was listening carefully what she had to say.

      “You probably understand that we can’t say yes to you just like that. You’d have to discuss the details with our manager. We are returning home tomorrow. We could take your proposal with us and let him review it. Personally I am for your proposal“, Kyo said quietly and turned to look to others for support.  I had never heard him say so many words.

       Vinuska waited for the others to respond. Tochi took Kyo’s hand, smiled at him and turned his eyes on Vinushka. “I am also for your proposal… on one condition. You’d have to approve what we are and leave our personal lives alone.”

      “That’s fair enough” she conceded. What about you? She turned her grey eyes to Die, who seemed to be thinking very hard.

     “It’s not that we don’t need the money, but we don’t want a sixth wheel in our team.” Die finally managed to formulate his opinion.

      “I’m not intending to be the sixth wheel”, she laughed. “You guys seem to manage very well without me. It’s just that I don’t manage without you.”

      Did I detect a hint of sarcasm in her voice? I agreed with Die. We didn’t want anybody to mess with our team. But I could also see the benefits of this relationship. “Ok for me”, I agreed and gave the speech to Shinya. He shrugged his shoulders and finally managed to squeeze the words out of his pretty mouth. “Fine for me.”

      “That’s fine then”, she concluded, collected her papers back to the envelope and handed it to Kyo. “Please let me know what you decide with your manager. My contact information is in the papers.”  

      Kyo fiddled with the envelope in his hand looking somehow distressed. “Are you coming to our farewell concert this evening?” he finally asked.

      “Would you like me to come?” she asked in return her voice soft.

      Kyo answered without any hesitation. “Yes I would.”


	14. Hanging out with Die

# Shinya

## Hanging out with Die (14)

      We all felt pretty miserable after Tuesday night’s show. None of us had been at our best; Tochi looked tired and Kyo was not his energetic self. Die and Kaoru were distressed, when we could not reach our normal intensity level as the show approached its end. I could feel their frustration behind my drum set and that affected my playing as well. This was going to be a flop, not a very usual thing for us. As everybody, I wanted just to freshen up, relax and have a few drinks to leave this failure behind. A hot shower would do me wonders.

      I padded out of the bathroom feeling refreshed, yes, but still very tired. The concert had really taken its toll on me. I picked up a towel and fluffed my hair as I plopped down on the hotel room bed stark naked. I didn’t feel like sleeping, though. Too much traffic in my brain. I got up and dried off the rest of my body, dumping the towel in the corner. If I wasn’t calm enough to sleep, I would have to go do something else. For sure I wasn’t going to sit and rot in this hotel room.

      I ended up knocking on Die’s hotel room door. I fervently wished that he’d be in and not already having drunk sex with some fan girl. If that was the case, he’d be breaking his two hour record in getting screwed. I sighed and knocked again, pleading in my mind to see those stupid-looking overgrown red spikes of hair. A rustle sounded from behind the door, followed by the sound of a lock opening. Good. So he was there. The door opened and Die peeked out, looking a bit uncomfortable. He glanced left and right in the hallway, still keeping his body hidden behind the door.

      “Yeah? What’s up?” he questioned cautiously.

      “I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?” I asked with a blink of my big brown eyes.

      “What? No!” he denied with a nervous chuckle, moving his body further behind the door.

      If anything, that was an obvious indicator that something was up. Maybe he had indeed beaten his record.

      “You’re with someone already?” I asked curiously, trying to get a look behind the door at his bed.

      “No! No... I was just... well... yeah...” he spluttered, panicking a bit and making gestures awkwardly with his hands.

     “Jerking off?” I sneered.

     “Yeah.”

      “Relax, man. It’s not like I’m the dick police”, I chuckled and pushed myself past the doorway to his room. Die fumbled around a little, closing the door and trying desperately to find some pants. He fussed around for a good while, his naked self digging around various piles of clothing. Jeez, couldn’t the man be a little tidier?

      “Okay. Shoot”, Die said after finding a decent pair of sweats and pulling them on.

      “I was just wondering if you wanted to go out and have a drink”, I asked, trying not to pay attention to the tent in Die’s pants.

      “Oh, man, why didn’t you say that in the first place? You didn’t have to barge in on me when I’m like... this”, he glanced down at his crotch and shot an apologetic glance at me.

      “Oh... yeah, I suppose that would’ve been better...” I mused, knitting my eyebrows together in a frown.

      “How about if I just... wait in the lobby? You know, while you... finish?”

      “Sounds good”, he grinned as I made my way back across the room.

      The door closed behind me as I stepped out into the hallway, and I tried my best not to concentrate on the distracting thought of Die masturbating. That had almost driven me over the edge. I had been literally _this_ close to pushing the man down and giving him the best damn blow job he’d ever had. So I took a deep breath, tried my best to think about grannies in bikinis and pushed the elevator button.

       After a while of waiting in the lobby, Die had made it down as well and we were ready to roll. There was a short discussion about where we should go, Die mentioning that he had seen a nice-looking bar just around the corner. I agreed with the suggestion, pointing out that it’d probably be better to stay within close range of the hotel. Just so we wouldn’t get lost on our way back. Die agreed and we left the hotel, setting course for the said place.

\-------

       The feelings after Thursday night’s show were like from a different planet. Everybody was still high on post-live ecstasy when we climbed into our bus to return to our hotel. I went to sit beside Die who seemed somewhat troubled sitting there alone. The guy was a social miracle, always telling jokes and making fun of his fellow band mates. It was so easy to be around him. I understood, what he was worrying about, when I saw Kyo and Tochi kissing in the seats over the corridor.  Wow… don’t they have any decency to wait to the hotel? It looked like they were devouring each other.

      “What on earth is going on there?” I whispered to Die, who shrugged his shoulders looking as puzzled as I was. I could not help peeking at them now and then. The view was so hot….I felt the tension in my groin grow. I could not help remembering the feelings I had when I was standing outside Die’s room waiting him to finish his doings.  I could see Die was reacting the same way. He was wriggling nervously on his seat and had a magazine in his lap to cover the bulge in his jeans. I had to do something before I would do something stupid in my horniness. So I proposed a bet to Die, which he accepted. Shaking hands with him didn’t exactly relieve my tensions. I would have to take care of that later.

      The three of us headed for a near-by bar to celebrate. I felt sorry for Die, who was only wearing his hoodie although the evening was very chilly. He was freezing before we got to the bar. Once we were there I offered him my coat to warm him up. It was nice to think that my coat was so close to him. My thoughts started to wonder in unruly directions when I saw him smile and relax in the warmth of the bar. I wanted to feel my hands on his skin… kiss him… feel his dick in my hand…NO WAY! I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. Maybe it would be wisest to concentrate on my beer. Die luckily didn’t notice anything. He was his charming rocker self telling stories of his latest adventures in local joints and eying the other customers curiously now and then.

      The place seemed to be pretty hot with the locals. The mood wasn’t as calm as I had expected. To tell the truth, maybe it reminded me more of a night club than a bar. The lights were dimmed low and there were people dressed in fashionable designer clothes, drinking fancy cocktails. At least the music wasn’t as loud as in night clubs; I could even hear myself think over the constant prattle of customers.

      I was annoyed, when a strange woman intruded our party. Kaoru, who was our leader in many respects, didn’t seem to mind her, allowed her sit in our table and invited her to our hotel. Die was clearly enthusing over her poems.  I just couldn’t understand why we should be interested in her, Kyo could surely write better poetry then her. Besides, the whole evening was interrupted too early, when we headed for our hotel to listen to her music. I would have liked to spend more time with Die.


	15. The red velvet dress

## The red velvet dress (15)

      The meeting on Friday wasn’t any better. Now Vinushka wanted to be involved in our business. I wondered, why Kyo, of all the people, was for her proposal. Did they have some kind of common history?  I didn’t want to tell my opinion until everyone else had taken their stand. I seemed that I was the only one against this venture. Why did Die have to hug this woman like she was an old friend when she wasn’t? To top it all Kyo invited her to watch our farewell show. Nothing good would follow from this.

      Our last performance wasn’t as magnificent as on Thursday but we still put on a good show. At least my thoughts tended to drift into tomorrow’s return flight. I missed my home and my dog. I missed Japan where I could feel normal again. There my slender body would easily blend in the crowd. I knew we wouldn’t see each other for a while after the tour, so this evening would be my last chance to approach Die. I just couldn’t figure out a way to do that.

      I knew I had my chance when Vinushka invited us for a dinner after the concert. She had selected a nice cosy restaurant with Italian type menu. I was positioned between Die and Kaoru, with Vinushka, Kyo and Tochi opposite of me. I tried to come up with interesting things to talk about. I wasn’t a very social person; I enjoyed the company of people and things I knew and Die certainly wasn’t one of them. Anyways, it was mostly Die who did the talking.  Finally I remembered that Die was going to have his 39th birthday in December. I decided to tease him by asking what he would like to have as a birthday present. He seemed to be very confused about my question. Being 39 couldn’t be that complicated. But what did I know about his thinking?

      While I was wondering about Die’s reactions, the rest of our party was having a lively discussion about the successes and failures of our tour and our future plans. Vinushka invited us to play in Finland.

       “Maybe you could have a joint performance with Apocalypica? Your music styles would fit perfectly”, she mused.

      Of course we couldn’t promise anything. Tochi gave a nervous look to Kyo, but he was staring at Vinushka with an enigmatic smile on his face. Next year we would be touring in Australia and Finland wasn’t exactly close to it. Anyway we ended our evening in a positive mood. She said her goodbyes by hugging us all, wishing us all the best and a good journey home.

      On our way to hotel I was wrecking my brain to find a decent way to ask Die to spend the rest of the evening with me.  It was a wasted effort, as Die in his upfront manner asked me to join him for a drink in his room. I was really nervous when he dug his room key from his pocket, opened the door and bowed politely letting me in.

      “Welcome to by humble abode”, he sneered and went to shuffle in his small fridge to find something to drink. “Do you want a beer or a juice?” he asked.

      “An orange juice, please”, I replied. He found a bottle of beer for himself and a can of juice for me. We sat on his bed in an uneasy silence sipping our drinks.

     “You know being almost forty isn’t that simple. I wouldn’t do for a beautiful woman anymore. I’m happy we don’t have to do that visual stuff now”, he said looking a bit sad.

     “With a little make up you would be fine”, I tried to comfort him. “Besides, you are much more masculine now. I like that.”

      “You don’t have that problem yet”, Die remarked.

      “Well, actually the same thing bothered me also. I have been working out and I was wondering if I could dress up anymore. Last Tuesday I saw this gorgeous red velvet dress in a shop window. I just couldn’t resist buying it. I have it in my room”, I confessed feeling a real jerk.

     “I would really like to see you in that dress. Could you try it on for me?” Die asked his eyes burning of excitement.

      “I would have to put on some make up and do my hair. It takes about half an hour”, I proposed doubting his patience.  

      “Just take your time”, Die answered as I hurried to my room to do his wish.

      I felt extremely unsure, when I knocked on his door half an hour later. I had my hair raised high on my head, the curls dropping down my neck. My long dress was dark red velvet with high waist and black lace front. The puffed sleeves had tight cuffs. I didn’t have matching shoes so I was barefoot. My pants didn’t fit either so I was naked below my waist.

      Die opened the door his eyes full of anticipation.  “Wow, you look so gorgeous”, he sighed and held me in front of him grabbing me by the arms. Die was wearing his jeans and white sleeveless T-shirt leaving his muscles clearly visible. “You look gorgeous, too” I managed to whisper and dropped my eyes from his hot gaze. “Please look at me”, he murmured. I raised my eyes to meet his. That was almost intolerable. My knees were weak and I could not breathe properly. Suddenly his lips were on mine, gentle and demanding. I could not resist his hands drifting down the small of my back down to my behind. Surely he could feel I was naked down there.

      He lifted my hem and slid his hands on my bare skin squeezing me against his body. I could feel his erection hard on my belly. Before I knew he was kneeling in front of me sliding his hands along my dick and closing his lips on its sensitive head. Wow, he really knew his thing. I couldn’t help thinking how close it had been that I had done this to him. I was standing in the middle of the room and I could see myself in the hall mirror. The hem of my dress was covering his head and shoulders. I wanted so much to see him sucking me that I collected the dress on my waist. Die looked up at me, grinning. “Enjoying the view …?”

      “Yeah, but it would be nicer in bed” I confessed.

      “Ok, can we take the dress off? We’ll probably ruin it otherwise”, Die proposed and led me to the bed. He unzipped my dress and folded it carefully on the chair beside the bed. He grabbed me lightly in his lap, lowered in the middle of the bed and crawled beside me. “Please continue”, I pleaded wanting to feel his lips again on manhood. I watched him suck me until I just couldn’t control myself anymore and exploded in his mouth. 

      “Now it’s my turn”, I whispered after I had rested a while in his arms. “You don’t have to do it, if you don’t want to”, Die replied sounding concerned. “What are you talking about?” I asked surprised that he doubted my feelings for him. “I wanted to do this already on Tuesday.” Without hesitation I took his lovely dick in my hands and started to suck and lick his candy. Die closed his eyes and enjoyed my tongue and lips caressing him. If I had known he was so delicious I would have ambushed him earlier, but better late than never…


	16. On the way home

## On the way home (16)

        Our return flight was already half way to Helsinki. We would continue from there with a direct flight to Tokyo. I had been dozing lightly on my seat most of the time. Die was sleeping beside me his hand secretly holding mine under the blanket. My thoughts drifted to the latest events in our small team. The previously awkward relationship of Kyo and Tochi had suddenly turned into a fiery love affair. They really deserved to be happy, but would it last the everyday life at home? I didn’t like this Vinushka affair at all, but I just had to settle with the will of my band mates. My own adventure with Die wasn’t that serious. But why couldn’t I help gazing at that beautiful read-headed man beside me. He also deserved to be happy, but I wasn’t sure I would be the one for him. Only time would show that.


	17. Prologue

# Vinushka

## Prologue (17)

       I was getting addicted to this sprit travelling thing. It didn’t take long before I noticed, that I didn’t have to take a bodily form to see what was going on. So I had been there to watch Kyo and Tochi making love. The experience was almost unbearable.  But the power of knowing fascinated me more than the pain.  After that I followed Shinya into Die’s room to witness their cos-play… I was becoming Vinushka the stalker.

     “Why am I doing this?” I asked myself. I had just returned into my body after Shinya and Die had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. I loved them and wanted their trust. I wasn’t going to get it by spying on them. I needed my disguise as Vinushka, but that would have to suffice. So no more stalking even if it meant that I couldn’t see them for months. I cried myself to sleep after my decision, but I knew I was strong enough. They deserved that.

 

 

THE END


End file.
